Tis the season..

Tis' the season... The season of Remembrance... Season of Advent... The season of Christ's birth. 

Who am I... I am nothing compared to my Creator, nothing, but a person to this world, but I am everything to Him, just as any other creature on this earth. My heart is heavy this season. I've lost many loved ones, and one is limited in contact, and I'm frustrated.

My last grandfather passed away in May, since I've discovered things about who I am in my family tree. He treasured everyone, even in his frustration. I only know my version of his story. I'm sure there were some unpleasant things, I don't know, but to me he was a gentle man of few words. Since his passing other things have happened. I grieve for my family, since we lost Aunt Betty, I cannot even imagine how her sister feels.

I appreciate who she was, I pray for who she is becoming, that she will discover joy again. I cannot imagine loosing all of my family. I've lost one so far, due to complications and it has made this Christmas worse. I am sad for those families around them. 

It reminds me of a dream I had a while ago, where a person wanders to a town over a bridge and interacts with the people on the street. People who were sleeping and needed to wake up, but no one was. They all went to bars, acted like they were on drugs, and frankly had a detached attitude toward external things. They were all numb. I just wanted them to wake up, then I discovered someone was trapping them there. Anyone who attempted to wake them up was greeted with hostile interrogation and behavior. 

This is the family that I am talking about- aggression, hate, fear, and numbness - what is creating their actions? What can I do from here? Nothing. So much loss and so much exhausting emotion. When one thing is right, it is so wrong in all the others eyes. So, who am I in this circumstance? No one, by stander. Wrong. I am a fighter, when I see injustice I stand up for it. Some people may be bruised or offended in the process. I'm not here to save, I am here to shed light. No more secrets for lies. Only truth and love can enlighten people. I love many, I try to love all. When I can't, it is normally because I am busy taking care of my self. I need love too.

As I said this season is a hard one. Filled with loss, and joy for those who have been lost and see the maker. By no means will this be an easy season. I have many memories with my Uncle Robert on Christmas, and one of the toys he gave me I still have. I remember Christmas at my GMA Schoonover's home, with everyone. Many are no more.

This season should not be sad, but it is for me. Families have been broken, friendships have been broken. I received some blame for them and that is OK. A war has two way streets, a war is not created by just one, but by more, there has to be at least one other. I hope that we can see this. May our hearts be open to how God wants us to act towards one another.

May we remember that this season is about family and hope. The Creator is the hope that we have. The Creator is the one who wakes us up. The Creator is Jesus Christ, and his birth is the miracle that we know, that we see, that we experience every year. Sometimes, he is the only joy, I find. He is the only thing that brings me joy, especially when so many things are wrong. He is the reason I celebrate the deaths that I've known. I will see them all again.

To grieve is natural part of life, Jesus did it, so can we. This season will be filled with some grieving, knowing that God's design was perfect and we made it corrupt, with the fall. This season will be filled with joy and celebration, with those who I love, joy knowing that it doesn't end here, but it keeps going, until the perfect end. 

Even the rocks will cry out.  Tis the season to sing praises to him.