Mary-go-round pt 1

This is a part of the stuff, which is unable to be discussed in my brain in a coherent monologue.

You have this control over me

Unsure where to stand unwavering

Knowing my heart to a T

You are there comforting

Never afraid of you

But fear of being with out you

When I am alone I'm falling 

With you here I have no doubt

The fear I feel inside

Creates the dynamic to hide

You are the anchor to me

And you bind my soul to thee

I was fine in this life

Till uprooted through strife

This change in consistency

Has turned into a panic frenzy

No longer aware

Of who I am, what I’ll be

Unsure of where I stand

To whom I run, or what to see

I cannot be me

I cannot be three

There is a middle

In which I’ve not found

No fiddle

That makes a happy sound

I’ve turned gray and ashy

Cold inside

The only way I’m not crappy

Is when you’re by my side

I don’t know what to do

I just find the hope I need in you

Am I too demanding?

Do I need a change of plan?

You’re so amazing.

Afraid to take your hand

Unsure of if it’s right

Unknown about this flight

I want to travel the world with you

Having no fear about where we’d go

Just peace between us two

Unafraid of what we don’t know

I know of this one thing

You are my freedom

In this troubling

If you wish to come with me

To free us from the misery

You may want to consider this one thing

Before you decide,

Deal with the suffering

Of which you wish to hide

Till then we should break our stride

So we can recover our cherished find.

The Three Wars.

My thoughts and desires to be said would be a cancerous disease spreading as wildfire across the fields dry from drought. No one can ever express the passion or love felt between two people, who have the honest integrity of a loving father. This type of sacrificial love comes not from the lustful desires between humans but one thought through planned beauty.

There are no explanations for the actions that I’ve done and no honesty among them. What I feel and desire would not be one of honest integrity or of hopeful plans.  The things I’ve felt and heard would be unwise to mention in such a free setting as this.

I do not know who I am, nor do those around me. I portray myself as one for a blip moment in time and the next day I’d be spouting sonnets of praise to the heavens. No one would ever suspect that what lies underneath could devour a soul, or two.

The gasps from inside unleash only but a few times. What should have been destroyed forever now has the freedom to roam, wildly consuming all beauty among the already laid ashes. The terrifying beast with in craves to devour even the dust of beauty.

And beauty is only to be protected by the frontward portrayal of love. Maybe love has never been the center maybe it does not know its place among the thorns. Or it knows its place and yet protects only the smallest healthiest seed of hope which will never be found by the beast.

The hornet, which antagonizes both, decides to follow suit of its self, ignoring all other ambitious plans targeting the smallest sector of passion creating an onset of wild flowers blooming across the otherwise barren land. No one would have guessed the pop ups of the crazed blooms. Though pretty and misleading as they were, they could never have amounted to the baby seed that was being protected by the true and honest love.

What then is it, is it honesty, purity, hope, desire, passion, lusts, fury, frost bitten hearts that continue our journey of discovery? Or is it the true love that is only revealed by the protector of our beings keeping the greatest blip of purity protected?

This is what my daily life is like, complex thoughts, hopes and dreams of maybe understanding the greater plan of the world. Maybe I understand it, but do not always succeed in it because the hornet or the beast becomes the distraction of my day. Maybe when the protector puts them to death, maybe then will I be able to truly live, fulfilling my duty as an individual with integrity and with excellence.