There are discontents in my life. Complications I thought I dealt with, that keep reappearing and stabbing me in the sides. I don't know what the next steps are.
People ask me to complete tasks of which I don't know the steps to. When I find time to locate them I don't have time to finish them. Is this what adult life is, finding tasks and not completing them? Is it when we know how to balance life and friends?
I have a confession/concern. What does it mean if I cheated my way through life, back stabbing all that I knew and befriended? Sure I sit, I listen, I understand, but when it comes down to it do I really care or am I apathetic toward those who put their life on the line for me? Which is a very small amount of people. Is it all an act to me, or do i very much desire their friendship?
People say, "What do you have to complain about?, You have a job, you pay your bills..." the list goes on. But what they don't fully understand is what that means. That means I need to keep track of all the bills, food, utilities, rent, animals (if I ever get one), medical nonsense, oh and like 80 other things. Not to mention the job that I do is not an easy one. It is hard and people trigger you every day and bring up things that you've thought you dealt with, but almost lost your cool because the kid touched you in one specific way. My job is triggering not only for the kids but for the staff. It doesn't pay well, and I am supposed to run a home with that money, it is not easy.
If you want to attempt to buy a home well that's extra time away from doing FUN things, there is only so much time that can be taken as fun time for trying to buy a home. It would be nice though just to settle for something awful and make it grand later. Then that would go is it a bad investment? Did I loose my money? Can I find a roommate? How am I gonna pay my bills? What if I loose my job? What will my family think?
My family is like, it would be good for you to gain the experience, it would be beneficial if you were to fulfill the needs of your bills and such... But I don't pay water sewer garbage, its a collective sum that is separated when you own a home. Then there are taxes and other such ridicule which you get back in your tax return, which is going to be a heinous task.
So sure, yes I make some sorta something, I pay the things I need too, and am struggling with saving funds like all college people go through, but I want to do something fun to celebrate this year of "freedom" but we will see what happens next May 13th... Who knows the world might end in my mind.
The only person who knows the time and place of the world ending is God. I'm gonna be honest, my life is overwhelming though when the feat is completed I am sure that I will be in a more stable place to handle everything.
