THE OUTING - 2017

Part of  me wants to call this pain is pain, but there is another side that should be a coming out truth to it. Here it is, I've been dating a woman of my dreams for almost two years. Being we are with in the Christian community I've been struggling of when the best time to come out and let everyone understand what situation I've been in.

I understand that not everyone will agree with my sentiments or understand the things that I have been inquiring about. But here they are, and I am still struggling with them. I consistently search for the answers to the questions people ask of me. I am not afraid of being wrong and people need to understand that when I understand what that entails I'll confess sins to God and keep going with my life.

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Everything happened about three weeks ago in March. My mom and I conversed over the phone and came to the conclusion that my woman's mother asked mine if I was gay. So over the phone when asked, I stated, "no, I consider myself pan." We discussed that to me it meant being attracted to a spectrum of people, though attracted not acting on all of my attractions because of opinions/beliefs that I feel.

Her response, "oh! I'm that way too.." and when she looked up all of the definitions of what a pansexual is (2 weeks after my trip) she added, "are you sure you want to state you are that? It might dim your light God gave you on the world."

Now I personally believe God made me this way, from attractions to grade school all the way through now. I confirmed that I hold fast to a lot of the morals her and dad taught me; I do not believe in sex before marriage. She then had a puzzled look on her face and asked, "Are you married?"

"NO"- She continued to explain how if I wasn't sexually active I couldn't think that I was this way, and that me and mine are just best friends forever, or forever friends, or God friends. She continues to send bible references to me regarding my sexuality and how Christians don't believe that this is God's way for me... I haven't yet sent her the opposing views because I don't want to send them out of spite.

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My father, unfortunately I knew what he was going to ask me, how he was going to ask me, when he was going to ask me, and I praise God that He gave me two days warning to prepare myself for all of this.

We both arrived at the airport expectant for a bus to take us to the car, he was in a bad mood and I was kind of distant with interacting because I sensed the discomfort. "So what is up with your's and her's relationship? We've had inquiry by the mother and we would like to know where it stands."

My only response, "Dad we love each other, in this we support each other- emotionally, spiritually, and physically (un/fortunately not added when I spoke to him), we are independent financially- and until God plops a man into our lap we are good with this situation."

He continues, "Well what do you think about what the bible says about all of that, like in romans 1:26..." he continued to list of other bible references...

All I could say was that I'm looking into it and I'm figuring it out. I understand what both sides say in regards to it, and I am unsure how to exactly put my opinion out there, I am still researching. The conversation pretty much ended with them being unwilling to support me any more. I'm not entirely sure what that entails, but it felt like a threat, though I knew this was coming.

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Now let me actually share a bit about what I think the bible talks about. Love, the purest form of love by putting other peoples needs above your own. Here is another thing, Rom 1:26 can be taken many ways, anti woman sex, anti orgies, anti worshiping of other gods through sex, anti prostitution, anti acting on lust for women.

Here is the thing with me and mine. I don't lust for her I love her, do I get jealous, yes sometimes, but I trust her. Even when she cant believe that she is worthy of love I show her that she is valued and cared for by doing things for her. ie. building something, making something, time, hugs, cooking, whatever. Sometimes she doesn't understand it but that is the truth, I love her and I'd give up a ton to continue being with her, and I already have.